I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
