I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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