i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize