WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize