Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
