This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
