Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
