NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
