i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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