We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
