You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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