if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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