its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
