it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
