i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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