she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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