I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
