Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
