Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
