I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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