i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
