I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
