You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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