if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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