He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
