Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
