i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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