You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
