Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
