why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize