dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
