I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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