shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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