so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
