I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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