it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
