I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
