I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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