We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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