Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Randomize