I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's the barista slut.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
