They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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