i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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