After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
