I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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