when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love accidental penises.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
