He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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