You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
