It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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