I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
