I cockslap morals
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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