peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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