a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
