ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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