that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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