i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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