Too much gin, very little bucket
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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