Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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