I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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