i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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