I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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